The computer programmers at GM thought they had accounted for every possible scenario—but they were wrong. A driver in San Francisco accidentally struck a pedestrian, sending the person into the path of a GM Cruise robotaxi. The computer-driven Cruise couldn’t avoid hitting the person a second time but did come to a stop. However, sensing it had been in an accident and was blocking traffic, the autonomous car attempted to move to the right, inadvertently dragging the person an additional 20 feet (6 meters) and pinning them under the vehicle’s tires. As a result, all 950 GM Cruise vehicles were recalled and given a software update to address the oversight.

In this final installment of our four-part series on relationship-mindset updates, we’ll explore a software patch designed to provide fresh fuel and re-ignite the spark in your relationship.

V1.0 WE’RE IN A RUT AND NOTHING SURPRISES ME!

Many relationships run on an outdated operating system of boredom, predictability and well-worn ruts of routine. It is like the relationship is stuck in the 1970’s and running on a floppy disk that max’s out at 1.44 mb’s! The pull of gravity has dragged the relationship down to the lowest regions of the relationship-rut and both partners seem resigned to enduring a humdrum future. Ruts are where relationships go to die!

A RUT IS JUST A GRAVE WITH THE ENDS KICKED OUT

Life is full of repetition. The sun rises every morning and sets every evening. Every day, I wake up, shuffle my way to the bathroom, then drag myself to the kitchen where I make a cup of coffee. You know the routine. Wake up the kids. Make breakfast. Let the dog out. Yell we’re going to be late as if this is a new experience, but it is the same thing we yell every morning. Head out the door. Fall into our spot in the rush hour traffic caused by thousands and even millions of people all following the same scheduled behaviour. Life is full of repetition and if we are not careful, walking these same, predictable, mundane and monotonous routines will wear a rut under our feet. And, as someone has said, a rut is nothing but a grave with the ends kicked out of it. In other words, ruts are where life goes to die, only it does not know it.

V2.0 KEEP IT FRESH!

Last summer I dug my bike out from the garage, wiped off the 1/2” of dust it had collected and began riding to work – a 17 km (10.5 mile) challenge.

The first day I attempted the ride, I hit ‘start’ on my ride-tracking-app and drove the straightest, most efficient and quickest route to work. However, it only took a few days before I realized I was enjoying my ride to work less each time. I was seeing the same sights, swerving around the same potholes while trying to avoid being hit by the same bus each day. That is when I got an idea – what would happen if I made the decision to never take the same route twice? What if I added a little ‘didn’t-see-that-coming’ detour every day?

The result was significant!

My drive for efficiency and speed gave way to a new priority – adventure, fresh experience and enjoying the journey, not just getting to the destination. Admittedly, my rides took a little longer. I had a few more stop signs and traffic lights to navigate. However, every ride felt energized and interesting.

THE ELEMENT OF SURPRISE

It is amazing to me that God, who has been doing His thing for millions of years, is highly committed to fresh expressions every day.

In Lamentations 3:22-23 we read, “God’s loyal love couldn’t have run out, His merciful love couldn’t have dried up. They’re created new every morning.” Every morning God creates a new expression of love and grace! Unfortunately, humans are not as good at this. Far too many people allow their relationship with their spouse to become stale, routine, highly-efficient but remarkably boring.

It’s time to shake things up a bit!

What would happen if you decided that you would never allow a week to fly by without surprising your partner and creating a didn’t-see-that-coming experience?

SURPRISES DON’T NEED TO BE BIG OR EXPENSIVE

Try a few of these 31 surprise ideas and feel the wonder of busting the rut!

1. Watch their movie choice without question!
2. Leave a sticky-love-note on the bathroom mirror!
3. Surprise her with flowers!
4. Surprise him with his favourite jerky or beer!
5. Plan a surprise picnic!
6. Text your partner just because!
7. Write a ‘here’s-what-I-love-about-you’ list!
8. Ask ‘how is your soul?’ and really listen!
9. Do a chore that your partner usually takes care of!
10. Plan a date to a historic site and turn it into a photo shoot!
11. Text a spicy love note!
12. Cook a surprise dinner, complete with candle!
13. Share something you are not good at or apologize for something!
14. Leave a note or treat on the dash of their vehicle!
15. Make a tent in the living room and go camping!
16. Go horseback riding!
17. Visit a museum!
18. Write a poem or song for your partner!
19. Arrange a spa day for your spouse!
20. Take your partner for a surprise hotel stay!
21. Put your arm around your partner when out with friends!
22. Park in a field late at night, bring out the blankets and watch the stars!
23. Surprise your spouse by offering to go hunting or to the game!
24. Buy a bath-bomb and create a spa at home!
25. Offer to make their steamy dreams come true!
26. Stuff a jar with a love-note-for-every-day-of-the-month!
27. Put a love note in their coffee cup before they wake up!
28. Plan a month-of-dates – one a week!
29. Brag about your partner (in front of them) when out with friends!
30. Make a lover’s coupon book – coupons they can use!
31. Offer to read a marriage book out loud together!

…or come up with your own ‘didn’t see that coming’ surprise!

FUEL & SPARK

Q: Would you say your relationship is routine and stuck in a rut, exciting and adventurous, or somewhere in between? What evidence leads you to this conclusion?

Q: If your relationship is not what you want it to be, what are you willing to do to make it better?

Q: Pick 3 of the 31 Keep It Fresh ideas and commit to trying them out on your partner. Note the impact your action made.

Well, that wraps up this relationship-mindset series of updates!

We’ve replaced V1.0 Conflict is Bad with a V2.0 version that says Conflict is the Prelude to Intimacy!

We’ve taken the outdated V1.0 First Impressions are Just for Strangers and swapped it out for V2.0 We Make First Impressions Every Day, and we learnt about the first 11 seconds!

We identified the antiquated V1.0 My Partner Should Be Able to Read My Mind with a streamlined V2.0 patch, Use Your Words!

And finally, we traded the V1.0 We’re In a Rut and Nothing Surprises Me with a much more responsive V2.0 mindset that says Keep It Fresh with Weekly Surprises and Adventures!

Keep updating your relationship, filling it with fresh fuel and re-ignited sparks!

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