When it comes to climbing Mount Everest, everyone fixates on the summit. The iconic photo at the top. The victory pose. The big, triumphant moment. But Alan Arnette’s story reminds us that the summit isn’t always the most important part.

After nearly a decade and three failed attempts, Alan finally stood on the roof of the world on May 21, 2011. You’d think that moment would define everything. But instead, he reflects, “While the ratio seems unfair—nine years to get here, ten minutes to stay—the memories (of the journey) will last forever.”

What made those memories so powerful wasn’t just the ten-minute victory at the peak. It was everything before and around it:

The months of anticipation and grueling training. The joy of pushing himself and growing braver. The surreal sight of prayer flags snapping in the predawn light. The quiet conversations with Sherpas and fellow climbers. The challenge of raising Alzheimer’s awareness in honor of his mother. The sheer thrill of being on that mountain.

Most people view the summit as the only true “success.” But Alan saw something deeper: The summit didn’t validate the journey; the journey validated the summit.

Had he only been chasing the climax, he might have missed the lessons learned on the ledge, the friendships forged in the ascent, or the soul-shaping pain of the process.

Likewise, real success in life, especially in relationships, isn’t just about reaching the “top.” It’s about how we walk the trail.

SO MUCH MORE THAN A CLIMAX

Most people (or maybe I should speak from experience and say, most guys) tend to think of orgasm as the goal of sex. The finale. The proof that everything worked.

But I’ve learned that when we focus solely on reaching orgasm, we actually rob our sexual intimacy of its wonder. The deeper richness of intimacy often lies in the journey, not just the peak.

IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER

It’s impossible to talk about sexual intimacy without acknowledging that, for some couples, this is a sensitive and difficult topic. Health challenges, emotional distance, past hurt, exhaustion, or long-seasons of growing distance can make intimacy feel more painful than inspiring.

In our soon-to-be-released books, The 7 Day Marriage Challenge and The 7 Day Marriage Detox, we spend time naming and addressing those realities. Those are important chapters, but this post isn’t meant to fix those struggles or minimize them.

Today is simply an invitation to remember what sex can be when it’s rooted in presence rather than pressure. To step back from performance, comparison, and expectation, and to rediscover the goodness, connection, and wonder intimacy was meant to carry.

If this is an area of struggle for you right now, hear this clearly: you’re not alone, and you’re not broken, but our hope is that you would be taking some strategic steps to navigate it with your spouse.

For today, let’s just enjoy the view and marvel a bit at what God has created.

10 OFTEN MISSED BENEFITS OF SEX

Let’s take a few minutes to explore the mind-blowing benefits of sexual connection; the ones that make orgasm look like basecamp.

1. Sex Says, “You’re Safe Here!”

In a world full of betrayal and broken promises, regular, respect-filled, loving sex is a quiet yet powerful reminder: You’re safe with me.

It says, I know you! I see me! I desire you! I love you!

It’s not just skin-to-skin. It’s soul-to-soul.

And when the message gets through, it can heal and strengthen places words never reach.

2. Sex Unlocks the Heart

Emotional intimacy isn’t built by accident. It takes intentionality and a willingness to open up the most vulnerable part of yourself.

When sex is tender, honest, fun and grace-filled, it lowers defenses and invites a partner into your heart.

Even the giggles and fumbles and misfired moments can turn into glue.

3. Sex Whispers, “I Still Do”

Every time you make love, you echo your wedding day. It’s a vow without words. It echoes your “I do’s!” with “I’m still do! I’m still here. I still choose us.”

On the tough days, that kind of reminder is gold.

4. Sex Calms the Storm and Clears the Air

Marriage is full of arguments, stressors, misunderstandings and silence. Then comes a touch. A look. A reach for each other.

Sex can’t solve every problem, but it can reset the atmosphere. Sometimes, healing begins between the sheets.

5. Sex Sparks Joy and Shared Laughter

Sex isn’t just sacred, it’s surprisingly silly sometimes. The snickers, the awkward angles, the whispered jokes…That’s not immaturity. That’s intimacy.

Shared joy becomes relationship glue, and God loves it when His kids have fun and laugh together.

6. Sex Restores Wonder and Awe

Life gets predictable. Bills. Kids. Chores. Demands. Even tragedy.

But sex? It’s a sacred interruption; a reminder that mystery and wonder still exist.

Your spouse is more than a roommate; they are a miracle in your arms and sexually connecting with them is one of the most awe-inspiring and wonder-inducing experiences on this side of heaven.

7. Sex Rekindles Curiosity

Sex invites exploration and attentiveness. There’s always more to learn; about your spouse’s body, their heart, their desires.

It says, “I want to keep knowing you,” even after decades together.

That’s the fuel of lifelong fascination.

8. Sex Fuels Confidence and Affirmation

Every day your spouse faces critiques, comparison and criticism, if not outwardly, most definitely inwardly. Being pursued, desired, and delighted in by your spouse is a powerful antidote to insecurity and self-doubt.

Sex says, “You’re more than enough. You still do it for me.”

That’s not vanity, that is a kind of validation we crave.

9. Sex Creates A Sacred Closeness

Obviously, not every moment will be fireworks. But across the years, those shared, sacred, even silly moments stack up and create a tapestry of closeness, laughter, grace, and delight.

In a thousand little ways, sex becomes a story only the two of you will ever fully know. Nothing grows intimacy like a shared secret except a 1000 shared secrets!

10. Sex Is Worship with Skin On

We don’t often talk about it like this, but we should. Sex experienced in the sacred covenant of marriage, dedicated to God, is an act of worship. Not in a weird or mystical way, but in a way that honors the sacred beauty of God’s design.

When a husband and wife come together in love, trust, and mutual delight, it reflects something divine: Two becoming one. Desire wrapped in devotion. Pleasure mingled with covenant.

It’s not just biology; it’s theology with a heartbeat.

When God is welcomed into that space, even the ordinary becomes holy.

Your bedroom can become an altar of connection, joy, and awe.

Yes, it’s vulnerable. Yes, it’s physical. But make no mistake, done God’s way, it’s spiritual too.

TAKE TIME TO ENJOY THE VIEW

Far too many couples rush for the summit and forget to enjoy the view and the journey, but when sex becomes less about performance and more about connection, it stops being pressure and starts becoming a gift.

A holy one.

So slow down. Stay present. Keep walking the trail together. And have some fun.

FUEL & SPARK

Q: Are we chasing the summit...or savoring the journey? What would it look like for us to enjoy the process, not just the “goal”, in our sexual connection?

Q: When was the last time we laughed during sex…and loved it? What role does shared joy and playfulness have in our physical connection?

Q: How does our physical connection echo our spiritual values? Is sex just physical for us, or are we inviting God into even this part of our relationship?

Q: What’s one way we can turn our next sexual moment into something more sacred, intentional, or awe-filled? Not bigger or better, just more meaningful?

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