Is Your Marriage Sticky?

If you know me, you know I'm cheap. So, when my free (broken) hot tub came with a cover that had split in two, buying a new one wasn't exactly my first thought.

Surely, with some ingenuity, a little elbow grease, and a healthy dose of stubbornness, I could fix it. I rounded up some old tarp material, bought some super-duper, industrial-strength, stick-to-anything glue, and went to work.

I cut, glued, applied pressure and admired my handiwork. Then I left it overnight to set.

The next morning, I gave the tarp a little tug…and it peeled right off.

No resistance. No struggle. And definitely no stick.

Apparently, my super-duper, stick-to-anything glue had failed.

I discovered that just because two things are pressed together doesn't mean they're actually bonded.

NON-STICK RELATIONSHIPS

It turns out that it is entirely possible for two people to share a house, a bed, a bank account, a last name, and even 25 or 30 years of history and still not be particularly bonded.

Over time, conversations get shorter. Affection is no longer expressed. Irritations pile up. And slowly, almost imperceptibly, two people who once couldn't keep their hands off each other start drifting apart.

The bond between them is simply less sticky and a little more slippery.

Jesus said something fascinating about marriage: "Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate." (Mark 10:9, NIV)

That passage makes it pretty clear that God's design is for marriage to STICK!

But I discovered that even the strongest adhesive needs the right conditions and proper application to create a lasting bond.

So, how do you make your marriage stickier?

1. CLEAN THE SURFACES

Glue doesn't bond well through dirt and grime. Neither does love.

Resentment, criticism, unresolved hurts, and unspoken frustrations create a layer of relational gunk that resists even the best adhesives.

Try this: Ask your spouse, "Is there anything between us that we need to clean up?" Then listen without defending yourself.

2. APPLY THE GLUE.

A strong bond needs more than two surfaces sitting beside each other with a bottle of glue on the shelf.

The glue needs to be applied, and then the two surfaces need to come together. In marriage, this happens through small, intentional moments of affection, laughter, kindness, gratitude, and curiosity.

Try this: Every day, deposit three little drops of glue. A specific compliment. An unexpected act of kindness. A lingering hug. A question that goes deeper than "How was your day?"

3. GIVE IT TIME TO SET

Even super-duper, industrial-strength, stick-to-anything glue needs time to cure.

You can't expect a marriage to develop an unbreakable bond if you're constantly rushing off in different directions.

Connection requires contact. And contact requires time.

Try this: Start by setting aside 15 minutes a day with no phones, no television, and no agenda. Just the two of you, being together.

THE STICKY TRUTH

Weather, humidity, intense heat, and constant pressure test every bond. Marriages face their own harsh conditions: stress, conflict, disappointment, temptation, and the daily grind. All of them can slowly wear away at the connection between you and your spouse.

That's why the glue that bonds a couple together needs to be reapplied almost every day.

Here are some great ways to make your marriage sticky again:

15 LITTLE DROPS OF MARRIAGE GLUE

None of these requires a lot of money, a lot of time, or a degree in marriage counselling.

1. Kiss like you mean it. Not the distracted, drive-by peck. Stop. Connect. Kiss.

2. Say what you appreciate. Don't just think something good about your spouse. Say it out loud.

3. Ask a better question. Replace "How was your day?" with "What was the best or hardest part of your day?"

4. Put down your phone. Give your spouse the gift of your undivided attention, even for ten minutes.

5. Do something unexpectedly kind. Make the coffee. Warm up the car. Take care of a chore they hate.

6. Laugh together. Share something ridiculous. Revisit a funny memory. Don't let your marriage become all business.

7. Apologize without a "but." Two little words, "I'm sorry," can repair an amazing amount of damage.

8. Touch without an agenda. Hold hands. Rub shoulders. Sit close. Physical affection shouldn't always be a request for something more.

9. Become their biggest cheerleader. Celebrate their victories. Brag about them to someone else, especially when they're listening.

10. Learn something new about them. Ask what they're dreaming about, worrying about, or looking forward to. Stay curious.

11. Interrupt the ordinary. Go somewhere new. Try something different. Surprise each other. Routine is useful, but it isn't particularly romantic.

12. Fight FOR your marriage, not AGAINST your spouse. When conflict comes, remember you're on the same team.

13. Pray together. Even a 30-second prayer can remind you that you're building something bigger than yourselves.

14. Make time for just the two of you. Put a date on the calendar. Protect it like an important appointment, because it is.

15. Ask one powerful question. "What's one thing I could do this week to help you feel more loved?" Then do it.

ONE LAST DROP OF GLUE

I'm happy to report that my old, broken hot tub cover is now back in one piece.

Turns out, I wasn't lacking effort; I was simply using the wrong glue and the wrong technique.

Once I slowed down, figured out what actually worked, and changed my approach, everything started sticking.

Maybe your marriage needs a little of the same.

Not more effort doing the same old things.

Just a little more intention, a better approach, and the right kind of glue.

So, slow down.

Pay attention to what's not sticking.

Try something different, apply generously... and make your marriage sticky again.

FUEL & SPARK

Q: How sticky is your marriage these days? Are you growing closer, drifting apart, or just coexisting?

Q: What's getting in the way of a stronger bond? Is there some relational gunk that needs cleaning up?

Q: What's one small thing you used to do that made your spouse feel loved, but you've stopped doing?

Q: Which three drops of marriage glue from the list will you intentionally apply this week?

Subscribe for a fresh weekly Blog Article to your inbox here!

Want more? Check out The Relationship Rocket Formula book here!