When Did We Stop Telling Each Other the Weird Stuff?

Admit it…you have weird thoughts you’d love to share with your spouse.

“I dreamed we had triplets, but they were already middle-aged accountants. One of them was disappointed in our budget.”

*“I wonder how many geese I’ve seen more than once without recognizing them.” * “On the way to work this morning, I saw a raccoon that had been run over by a car…and thought, ‘You look like I feel.’”

Unfortunately, over time, we can start editing ourselves.

We’re about to share the weird stuff but…our spouse is busy. The story would take too long. The thought sounds ridiculous now that we’re about to say it out loud.

So we leave it out.

Pretty soon, most of what our spouse hears is…

“What time will you be home?”

“Did you pay that bill?”

“We’re out of bread.”

“Who’s picking up the kids?”

Necessary conversations, especially if you’re the kid waiting to be picked up, but where did the weird stuff go?

WHAT’S LOST WHEN THE WEIRDNESS STOPS

When we stop sharing the strange dreams, the thoughts that go nowhere, and the ridiculous encounters, we not only rob our spouse of meeting the middle-aged accountants, we can also lose some surprisingly important parts of being married…

1. We miss a glimpse into our spouse’s world!

That raccoon story tells your spouse something about your morning. You’re tired. It’s been a rough start, but you still have enough humour left to identify with roadkill. Those little comments give your spouse something to notice, ask about, or understand. Leave them out, and “How was your day?” can become a lifetime of “Fine.”

2. We miss the easy opportunities to laugh.

A ridiculous thought can give you something to laugh about while you’re putting away groceries or brushing your teeth.

For a few seconds, you look at each other. You grin and you remember how much you enjoy this person’s peculiar brain.

3. We miss developing language that belongs to us.

Tell your spouse about the imaginary accountants, and the next time one of you suggests an expensive purchase, the other can say, “I don’t think the triplets would approve.”

Tell your spouse about the raccoon, and the next time you are feeling exhausted and overwhelmed, all you have to say is, “It’s been a raccoon kind of day.”

Now you have language that belongs to the two of you.

These little references can follow you around for years as the original story gives you something to return to together.

4. We miss the whimsical conversations.

If almost everything we say involves a bill, a schedule, a problem, or something that needs fixing, our conversations have become work.

The weird stuff gives us conversations we can simply enjoy. Nobody has to make a decision about the geese. We can wonder about them for a minute…and carry on making dinner.

5. We miss small opportunities to build trust and intimacy.

When I can trust my spouse with the triplet accountants, the geese I might recognize or the squashed raccoon, it paves the way for being able to share almost anything with my spouse.

In turn, when they listen, ask a question, or laugh with us, it can feel like permission to keep being ourselves. We begin to believe…

“I can tell you things. You’re interested. I don’t have to rehearse everything before I open my mouth.”

That sense of being welcome matters a lot. It can make sharing something embarrassing, admitting a worry, or expressing a need feel a little less risky.

Sharing the little weird stuff gives us opportunities to learn that we can trust each other with what’s going on inside.

So share your weird thought…and make room for your spouse to share theirs.

There’s something wonderfully intimate about knowing your spouse’s peculiar brain and feeling safe enough to let them know yours.

FUEL & SPARK:

Q: What usually stops you from sharing the little stuff—busyness, feeling silly, expecting little interest, or something else?

Q: When your spouse starts telling a story, what is your typical response? (Not sure, ask them!)

Q: What inside joke or peculiar expression belongs to the two of you…and what’s the story behind it?

Q: How does Paul’s charge in Romans 12:10 relate to this topic: “Be devoted to one another in love. Honour one another above yourselves.”

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