Top 10 Greatest Marriage Plays: #5 and #4

Championship teams don’t just rely on talent. They rely on plays. In pressure moments, they don’t scramble to invent something new. They fall back on what they’ve practiced, what they know works, what they’ve committed to over time.

Marriage works the same way.

Over the past couple of weeks, we’ve been building a simple but powerful playbook:

• Play #10 - Choose Your Team
• Play #9 - Pursue Your Player
• Play #8 - Bring Your Brick
• Play #7 - Play with Grace
• Play #6 - Use Your Words

Each of these plays helps a relationship grow stronger, whether by building connection or protecting it when things get tense. But even with all of that in place, most couples eventually find themselves in a different kind of challenge.

Not conflict or crisis, but drift.

🏀 #5 — Escape the Rut

Ruts rarely arrive with a warning.

There’s no moment where a couple sits down and says, “Today feels like a great day to make our relationship predictable, repetitive, and slightly disconnected.”

Instead, ruts form gradually.

The same conversations get repeated. The same routines fill the evenings. The same reactions show up in familiar situations. Over time, patterns get worn into the relationship simply because they’ve been lived out so many times.

In many ways, a rut is just the result of repetition: driving over the same road again and again and again. And at first, it doesn’t feel dangerous. In fact, it often feels comfortable. Predictable rhythms can feel efficient, even safe. Life keeps moving. Responsibilities get handled. Nothing appears to be “wrong.” But over time, something subtle begins to shift.

The energy fades. The curiosity diminishes. The connection begins to flatten.

You’re still married. Still functioning. Still doing life together. But something feels…less alive.

A rut is when a relationship begins running on autopilot. And while autopilot can keep things moving, it rarely takes you somewhere meaningful.

That’s why ruts matter. Left unchecked, they don’t just stall a relationship; they slowly drain it of life and vitality.

The encouraging news is that ruts are not permanent. They can be broken, often more simply than we expect.

It starts with honesty.

Couples need to be willing to acknowledge that something feels off and to name it without minimizing or ignoring it. That alone takes courage, because it requires facing reality instead of coasting past it. From there, it requires ownership. It’s easy to point to circumstances or to a spouse, but growth begins when each person recognizes their own part in the pattern.

But perhaps the most important step is lifting your eyes beyond the rut, setting your eyes on the possibilities. You don’t break free simply by disliking where you are. You break free by catching a glimpse of something better. What could your relationship look like? What could it feel like again?

That vision creates movement.

And then, it often comes down to something surprisingly small.

One intentional step. A planned date. A walk after dinner. A conversation without screens. A shared experience that breaks the usual rhythm. Small moves have the power to interrupt long-standing patterns.

Carolyn and I have learned over the years that if you’re not intentional, ruts will find you. That realization has led us to occasionally shake things up in ways that pull us out of routine and back into connection.

Newness has a way of reawakening connection, and often, that’s exactly what a marriage needs.

🏀 #4 — Play in the Open

If ruts are about drifting into patterns, this next play addresses something even more subtle. Hiding. Most of us have experienced small moments where we instinctively conceal something.

It might be as simple as closing a screen when someone walks into the room. It might be downplaying a purchase, withholding a conversation, or keeping a thought to ourselves that feels uncomfortable to explain.

These moments are often small, but they are not insignificant. Because hiding has a way of growing. There is something deeply human about the instinct to conceal. In fact, the Bible traces it all the way back to the very first marriage. When Adam and Eve felt exposed, their immediate response was not to move toward one another, but to hide. That same instinct still shows up today.

The challenge is that what remains hidden rarely stays contained. Instead, it tends to grow quietly in the background, shaping attitudes, influencing behaviours, and creating distance over time. That’s why one of the most powerful practices in a healthy marriage is choosing to live in the open.

This doesn’t mean sharing every passing thought impulsively, but it does mean committing to a relationship where secrets are not allowed to take root.

Carolyn and I learned the importance of this early in our marriage through a moment that could have easily gone a different direction.

While I was away at a conference, I found myself unexpectedly drawn toward someone else. It would have been easy to dismiss it or to keep it to myself. After all, it seemed like a private, internal struggle that didn’t need to be shared. But I knew that if I allowed it to remain hidden, it would not lose its power.

So I made a decision that felt difficult in the moment but proved invaluable over time. I called Carolyn and told her exactly what was going on. It wasn’t a simple conversation, and it certainly wasn’t instantly resolved. But that moment became a turning point for us. Because in choosing honesty over secrecy, we established something foundational as two phrases emerged:

‘No secrets’, and ‘What is spoken can be broken’.

You see, there is a door that leads to deep trust in a relationship, and it swings on the dual hinges of vulnerability and transparency. When those are present, something powerful happens.

Hidden struggles lose their grip. Shame begins to dissolve. Connection deepens.

Scripture reinforces this idea clearly: “People who conceal their sins will not prosper, but if they confess and turn from them, they will receive mercy.”

Truth can feel uncomfortable in the moment, but it creates space for healing, restoration, and freedom. Hiding definitely feels easier in the short term, but it slowly pushes people apart. Living in the open may feel harder at first, but it ultimately brings people closer together.

The Playbook

With these two additions, the playbook continues to take shape:

• #10 Choose Your Team
• #9 Pursue Your Player
• #8 Bring Your Brick
• #7 Play with Grace
• #6 Use Your Words
• #5 Escape the Rut
• #4 Play in the Open

Each one of these plays is so simple. None of them requires perfection. But practiced consistently, they create something strong, resilient, and life-giving.

Remember, great marriages are not built on a few big moments. They are built on practiced plays, lived out day after day.

Fuel & Spark

Q: Where might our relationship have slipped into routine or autopilot?

Q: What is one small step we could take this week to bring fresh energy into our marriage?

Q: Is there anything, big or small, that I’ve been keeping hidden?

Q: What would it look like for us to commit to living more openly and honestly with each other?

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