My heart was beating a little faster. I was nervous. Carolyn and I had promised each other long ago that we would never lie and never keep secrets. Yet here I was, doing exactly that.

As we drove to work, I glanced at the clock. It was 8:45 a.m. Right on time, her phone buzzed.

She looked down and said, “Hey! Robb and Lois from Ontario just texted. They’re stuck at the airport on an extended layover and wondered if we could meet them for coffee.”

I tried to sound reluctant. “But we really need to get to work.”

She smiled and said, “Yeah, but we hardly ever see them. Let’s do it.”

I finally gave in.

When we arrived at the airport, I suggested she grab a table while I went to look for them. From a short distance away, I watched as the ticket agent I had recruited for the plan handed Carolyn two boarding passes.

Carolyn looked confused. “There must be some mistake. We’re just here to meet friends.”

The ticket agent grinned and said, “Mama, we’d better get going. Your flight leaves soon.”

Carolyn followed her, still in disbelief, until she saw me waiting with a smile and two suitcases. We were on our way to Kelowna, British Columbia, and the surprises just kept coming.

It was a perfect way to celebrate our 30th anniversary.

THE ANATOMY OF A SURPRISE

I’ve come to love what I call “didn’t see that coming” moments. That surprise trip was a big one, but moments like that don’t have to be extravagant or expensive to be meaningful. They just need to be different.

• Leave a love note in a place they’d never expect.
• Send a text that sounds like you’re still dating.
• Drop a favorite treat off at their workplace.
• Have the lights dimmed, candles lit, and a great meal waiting.

Disrupting the typical defaults of life is the key to activating a surprise. A surprise is really just a small interruption that says, “You still matter to me.”

PLAN THE UNPLANNED

The most magical moments often feel spontaneous to the one on the receiving end, but the truth is, surprises take a great deal of planning.

For instance, for the airport surprise to work, I needed to change the call display on Carolyn’s phone so that text messages from our daughter appeared as “Lois.”

Another daughter had to have the suitcases secretly packed and waiting for us when we walked in the door.

Surprises require strategy. They’re a blend of forethought and fun, and are carefully hidden intentions wrapped in the appearance of spontaneity.

• Keep a running note on your phone of gift and date ideas.
• Pay attention to things they mention in passing. Those are clues for future surprises.
• Pre-buy small “just because” gifts you can pull out when inspiration strikes.
• Mark meaningful dates on your calendar (like first-date anniversaries or big wins) and brainstorm creative ways to celebrate them before they sneak up on you.

Because when you plan the unplanned, you turn ordinary moments into extraordinary memories.

NOTICE WHAT THEY’VE STOPPED EXPECTING

The greatest emotional moments, whether they end in laughter that leaves your cheeks sore or tears that remind you how deeply you’re loved, often happen when the other person didn’t see it coming and wasn’t expecting it.

Think back to what you used to do, back when you were dating.

Those small, intentional gestures that said, “You matter more than my comfort, my schedule, or my preferences.”

That stuff your spouse has quietly stopped expecting? Do it again.

• You dislike shopping, but they love it. Offer to take them shopping.
• You aren’t any good at golf, but they love it. Take them golfing.
• Kiss in the dairy aisle.
• Genuinely thank and compliment them, like you did back when you were trying to win their heart.
• Take their hand, buy them a small gift, dance in the living room to their favorite song.

Because when you resurrect the rhythms of romance, you remind them that your love isn’t on autopilot.

WORDS CAN HAPPEN ANYWHERE, ANYTIME

Some of the most powerful “didn’t see that coming” moments are built with words that break the pattern of predictability.

Don’t just say “I love you.” Say something they don’t hear every day. Something that catches them off guard and makes them wobble a little.

“I still choose you.” “You’re my favorite part of every day.” “Take me to bed or lose me forever!” – Top Gun, 1986 “I thank God every day that I get to do life with you.”

Unexpected words have the power to rewrite familiar feelings and spark brand new sensations.

SPEAKING FROM EXPERIENCE

After forty years of marriage, you might think surprises between Carolyn and me would be impossible. They’re not.

Just the other day, she came home from a craft sale and handed me a gift: candied cashews; far too expensive and impossibly delicious. A simple, unexpected gesture, yet it made me feel truly seen and valued.

THE DARE: Find a fresh, meaningful way to surprise your spouse this week. Then try something new and unexpected the following week. Keep the spark alive, one small surprise at a time.

FUEL & SPARK

Q: Are there things your spouse used to expect from you that they no longer do? How could you bring them back?

Q: When was the last time you surprised your spouse with something completely unexpected? What happened?

Q: How could you use words differently today to make your spouse feel deeply seen and valued?

Q: What is one ordinary moment you could turn extraordinary in the next 24 hours?

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