9 Roadblocks to Your Marriage!

As I rounded the corner, I was probably going a little faster than the posted speed limit. After all, I was late for dinner, and I had promised that today I would be on time.

What I saw next had me hitting the brakes, my eyes widening in surprise. A line of red taillights stretched ahead of me. Beyond the stopped cars, were the flashing lights of firetrucks, ambulances and a tow truck, pulling a vehicle from the garage of a house with flames pouring out of it.

Traffic inched forward, bringing me closer and closer to the unfolding disaster…until I reached a roadblock. There, I was told to turn around and find another way.

So much for being on time.

ROADBLOCKS IN MARRIAGE

Roadblocks in marriage are inevitable, too. We have somewhere we want to go and an idea of how we’re going to get there. Then something blows up, catches fire or implodes, and the route we expected to take no longer works. We’re left wondering what happened and where do we go from here?

See if you’ve bumped into any of these nine common roadblocks:

1. BUSYNESS OF LIFE

Work demands, the kid’s extracurriculars, yard work, groceries, social gatherings, and daily responsibilities can fill every available space. Before long, your marriage is getting whatever time and energy you have left.

WORKAROUND: Actually put time for just the two of you on the calendar. Give it the same care and commitment you give the other important appointments in your life.

2. NOT FEELING HEARD

You’re both talking, but somehow you’re missing each other. The conversation gets heated, defences go up, or quick solutions are offered before you’ve had a chance to explain what’s wrong. You both walk away exhausted and no further ahead, when what you needed most was to feel understood.

WORKAROUND: Before offering advice, ask, “Do you want help figuring this out, or do you need me to listen?” Then give your spouse your full attention and time to finish their thoughts.

3. THE SAME OLD ARGUMENT

Different day, same argument. Even when the subject changes, the familiar pattern of criticism, defensiveness, or withdrawal can leave you stuck in the same place.

WORKAROUND: When the pattern starts, agree to pause and maybe even take a break. Set a time to return and pick it up, but with a different approach. Come back to this question: “What do we each need the other to understand?”

4. SCREENS

Screens are everywhere. You can be sitting beside each other while your attention and emotions are miles away. What starts as a quick look can pull you out of the moment and away from your spouse. Social media can also bring comparison, secrecy, and blurred boundaries into the marriage.

WORKAROUND: Agree on regular screen-free time together, and put your phones in another room. When a phone buzzes during a conversation, resist the urge to check it. Let it wait. That small choice sends a clear message to your spouse: “You matter, and you have my attention.”

5. ROOMMATE MODE

You share a house, a schedule, and a long list of responsibilities. You know what needs doing, and you actually work well as a team, but you’re losing touch with what’s happening inside each other.

WORKAROUND: Make room for a conversation beyond the to-do list. Ask, “What’s been on your mind lately?”, “How is your soul?”, and “What part of our relationship needs a little more of our time and attention?”. Then, take time to hear each other. You might even want to follow up with “Tell me more.”

6. MONEY TENSION

For many couples, money is a tug-of-war rope each of them is hanging onto. Money problems are seldom about how much you have and more about what you do with what you have. Different habits around spending, saving, and planning can leave you pulling in opposite directions.

WORKAROUND: Have a monthly ‘money date’. Review where the money went, talk about what’s ahead, and agree on one priority to work toward together. Rather than being charged with reactionary emotion, these times become forward facing and team building.

7. LOSS OF INTEREST

Hunting, shopping, your career, the gym, the kids, yardwork and almost anything starts getting more of your enthusiasm and time than your marriage does. The relationship becomes something you count on but rarely give much thought or attention.

WORKAROUND: Bring some initiative back to your marriage. Show interest in your spouse’s world, or plan something they would enjoy without waiting for a special occasion. PRO-TIP: Try something neither of you is good at, yet. Be beginners together. Learn, laugh at your mistakes, and give yourselves some new stories to tell.

8. LACK OF INTIMACY

Emotional and physical closeness can fade under stress, unresolved hurt, or different needs for affection and sex. The gravity of everyday life has a way of pulling intimacy into a rut. Before long, reaching for each other can feel awkward or uncertain.

WORKAROUND: Use your words. Talking about sex and intimacy is a skill you learn together, and it takes grace, gentleness, and plenty of compassion. Start with questions like: “When do you feel closest to me?” “Is there anything making physical closeness difficult for you right now?” “What would you enjoy more of in our intimate life?” Give each other room to answer honestly. You don’t have to figure everything out in one conversation.

9. MONOTONY

Life can be good and boring at the same time. The two aren’t mutually exclusive. Even good routines can become ruts. When every evening and weekend follows the same script, life together can lose some of its energy and enjoyment.

WORKAROUND: Get out of the rut. Team up to try something new this week: a recipe, a walking route, or an activity. Give yourselves something fresh to experience and talk about.

MORE THAN AN INCONVENIENCE

Roadblocks are more than an inconvenience. They can highlight areas of your marriage that need some repair or rebuilding. They can get your attention, interrupt patterns that aren’t working, and prompt conversations you’ve been putting off. How you respond can make them a turning point in your relationship.

So, if you recognized your marriage somewhere in this list, start there. Choose one roadblock. Set a time aside to talk about it. Approach it with honesty but also gentleness. Then, agree on a workaround that could lead you on a different road together.

The instruction I received at that roadblock was simple: find another way. Sometimes, that’s what our marriages need to do: slow down, acknowledge what is blocking us, and figure out a way to get around it.

FUEL & SPARK:

Q: Remember a win. What’s a roadblock we’ve worked through together, and what helped us find a way around it?

Q: Use your imagination. What could happen to a marriage over time if a couple consistently ignored the roadblocks in front of them?

Q: Make it personal. Which of these nine roadblocks do we keep bumping into? Which one would you like us to tackle first?

Q: Take a step. What’s one workaround we can agree to try together this week?

Subscribe for a fresh weekly Blog Article to your inbox here!

Want more? Check out The Relationship Rocket Formula book here!