Chances are you’ve heard it, or even said it yourself: “I need to get my steps in!” or “I got my steps in today!” Often, it comes with a quick glance at a smartwatch. And somehow, we all know exactly what that means: 10,000 steps! But do you know why 10,000 steps became the magic number?

THE OLYMPICS ARE COMING

Leading up to the 1964 Tokyo Olympics, Dr. Yoshiro Hatamo, a Japanese researcher, began promoting 10,000 steps as a way to increase cardiovascular health. Seeing an opportunity, the Yamasa Clock Co. designed and released a pedometer called the manpo-kei, which literally means the “10,000 steps meter.” Ten thousand steps was catchy, memorable, and just enough to make people feel like they’d accomplished something meaningful.

WHAT GETS MEASURED GETS DONE

Peter Drucker (1909-2005), the Austrian-American management author and consultant, famously said, “What gets measured gets done”!

That is the beauty behind the 10,000 steps a day campaign. It is simple. It is achievable. It is memorable. And it is measurable.

If only there was a simple, achievable, memorable and measurable formula for a better marriage!

1+1+1+1=1

God design for marriage involves some rather miraculous math. Rather than 1 (man) + 1 (woman) = 2 people connected by marriage, God’s math is 1+1=divine oneness.

In Genesis 2:24 God says a husband and wife “shall become one flesh,” and Jesus reinforces in Matthew 19:6 that what God joins together, no one should separate. This oneness begins automatically by God’s design as the lives of a married couple are naturally intertwined, but it doesn’t flourish or deepen on its own. True unity is built. That’s exactly what the 1+1+1+1=1 Formula helps couples do, as they give themselves to small, measurable habits that nurture and strengthen two lives into one thriving, unified whole.

DO THE MATH

The origins of the 1 1 1 1 Formula are a bit fuzzy and many people have their own versions, but here’s what the four “1’s” mean to us:

1 DAILY CHECK IN

Distraction is killing marriages, and we live in a world with more distractions than ever before! The first “1” stands for “1 Daily Check-In” without electronics or screens. This is a time to connect. Ask great questions. Listen intently. Dig into your spouse’s life a bit. Work to talk about more than just schedules, logistics and plans: talk about emotions, ideas, hopes, fears and dreams. This daily check-in may last 10 minutes or maybe even 30 minutes.

TIP: Make it a habit. If you can anchor it with the same time or place, even better. Maybe have a special candle that indicates ‘it’s check-in time’, or sit in the same spot each day.

STARTERS: Ask questions like:

• Q: What made you happy today?
• Q: What was something difficult or challenging that happened today?
• Q: What is something you want me to know about how you are feeling today?
• Q: What surprised you today?
• Q: What made you sad today?
• Q: How is your soul today?

Need more questions? Check out the 217 Doors to Your Spouse’s Heart here!

1 WEEKLY DATE

Life is busy, and without intentional moments together, couples can drift into routines and habits that keep them physically near but emotionally distant. The second “1” stands for 1 Weekly Date, a dedicated time to reconnect, have fun, and enjoy each other’s company without distractions. This is your chance to laugh, share stories, go on a mini-adventure, reminisce, and remember why you fell in love in the first place.

**TIP: **Treat it as non-negotiable. Put it on the calendar. If someone wants to schedule your time you say, “Sorry. I already have an appointment!” (Your appointment is with your spouse!) And remember, dates don’t have to be extravagant or always at night.

STARTERS: Here are some simple date ideas:

• Breakfast out
• Coffee shop
• Walk in the park
• Cooking together
• Movie night at home (with popcorn!)
• Picnic at a local park or by a lake
• Museum or art gallery visit
• Mini road trip to a nearby town
• Attend a local concert, play, or live event
• Board game or puzzle night at home
• Try a new hobby or class together (painting, dancing, etc.)
• Sunset or stargazing walk

Need more date ideas? Check out the Relationship Rocket Date Generator here!

1 WEEKLY INTIMATE CONNECTION

When I was a young pastor, there was something I did not fully realize: just how many couples are living in sexless marriages, or how deeply a lack of sexual intimacy can affect a relationship. Today, I am far too aware.

I understand that bringing up this “1” can feel awkward, difficult, or even painful for some couples. Yet, there is no getting around the fact that God designed marriage to include intimate connection, physical, emotional, and spiritual. Sexual intimacy is a vital expression of love and unity, and it strengthens the bond that makes two lives one.

The Bible is clear about this. 1 Corinthians 7:3–5 encourages couples to fulfill their marital duties to one another, emphasizing mutual care and commitment. Song of Solomon 7:10 celebrates delight and desire between husband and wife. And in Hebrews 13:4, God honors the marriage bed as pure and worthy of respect.

Some couples will read this “1” and think, “Once a week? Are you kidding? We’re averaging 4-5 times a week! Why set the bar so low?”

Other couples will read this “1” and think, “Once a week? Are you kidding? Once a year would feel like a dream come true! Once a month would be mind-blowing! Truth be told, we haven’t done it in 3 years!”

The point of this “1” is to make room for some sort of physical connection each week. Maybe intentionally reaching out to your spouse to hold hands, kiss, hug or cuddle is your challenge. Or, maybe you are watching the frequency of your physical intimacy decrease and this is just a good reminder to nurture that part of your relationship.

TIP: Prioritize intimacy as a non-negotiable part of your relationship, just like date nights or daily check-ins. Consistency matters more than grand gestures. And remember, intimacy flows naturally from genuine connection. The first two “1”s set this “1” up!

STARTERS: Talk about it!

• What’s one way we can show affection to each other today that we haven’t done in a while?
• How do you feel about the level of physical affection in our marriage right now?
• What small gestures of touch, holding hands, hugs, or cuddling, would make your day better?
• Is there a way we can make time for intimacy that feels natural and not forced?
• How can we celebrate or create moments of closeness this week, even if it’s just 5–10 minutes?
• Are there any barriers or distractions keeping us from being closer, and how can we remove them?
• What’s one thing I do that makes you feel loved or desired?

1 YEARLY VACATION ALONE

The final “1” is making sure you run away together for a couple of weekends a year or take a full week annually, just the two of you. Family vacations with the kids are amazing, but they often shift the focus away from your relationship. A getaway alone gives you space to dream together, explore, laugh, and create memories that belong only to your marriage. It’s a chance to reconnect with mini-adventures, without schedules, chores, or outside distractions.

TIP: Treat this as sacred time. Book it in advance, protect it fiercely, and plan ahead so nothing else can take its place. Even a simple cabin in the woods or a weekend in a nearby city can do wonders. The key is intentionality and focus on each other, not luxury.

STARTERS: Ask questions to plan and prepare for your time together:

• What would be your dream vacation for just the two of us?
• Are there activities or experiences we’ve never tried together that you’d like to do?
• How can we ensure this trip is truly uninterrupted by phones, work, and responsibilities?
• What are the things we want to talk about or dream about while we’re away?
• How can we make this vacation a yearly tradition that we both look forward to?

GET YOUR STEPS IN!

Just like the 10,000 steps that motivate us to move and improve our health, these four intentional ‘1s’ motivate us to invest in our marriages. What begins automatically as divine oneness grows, deepens, and flourishes only when we take measurable, consistent steps together. So, take the daily check-in, the weekly date, the weekly intimate connection, and the yearly getaway, and watch how the miraculous math of 1+1+1+1=1 transforms your marriage from routine into vibrant, lasting unity.

FUEL & SPARK

Q: Which of the four ‘1s’ do we currently do consistently, and which ones need more focus?

Q: What is one strategic way we could improve one of our ‘1s’?

Q: Which distractions, challenges or life-dynamics most often pull us away from connection, and how can we remove or reduce them?

Q: Are we ready to commit to the 1+1+1+1=1 Formula for closeness?

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Want more? Check out The Relationship Rocket Formula book here!