Guest Contributors: Andrew & Malaika Wells

Scripture Focus: “Live with your wives in an understanding way.” — 1 Peter 3:7

When people hear the word -ology, they think of academics: biology, theology, psychology. But there’s another field of study few people ever formally pursue: spouse-ology, the lifelong study of your husband or wife.

I (Andrew) discovered this the hard way on a day I’d rather forget. I was sick—not hospital sick, but miserable and useless sick. Feverish, shivering, insisting that I was fine while clearly not. My schedule was full of looming deadlines, and the thought of missing even one meeting made me twitch.

Meanwhile, my wife, Malaika, was having none of it. She gently redirected me back to bed, armed with tea, medicine, and that no-nonsense tenderness only she can pull off. I grumbled about deliverables piling up like a wave about to crash. She just smiled.

A few hours later, I started receiving emails—thank-yous for feedback I didn’t remember giving, confirmations for files I never sent. My fevered brain wondered if an angel of productivity had descended upon my inbox.

Turns out, it was Malaika.

Because she had helped with those projects, she knew exactly where everything was. And because she has spent years paying attention to how I communicate—my dry humor, my short sentences, my overuse of bullet points—she was able to be me for the day. She wrote in my tone, met my deadlines, and kept our clients happy.

No one noticed the substitution. Not a single person said, “Hey, this doesn’t sound like Andrew.” At first, I was a little offended. Then I was deeply moved.

It’s one thing to be loved; it’s another to be known so well that someone can step into your shoes and represent you faithfully. That day, I realized that my wife is a master student of me.

And in her own way, she’s pursuing a doctorate in spouse-ology.

The Continuing Education of Marriage

Marriage isn’t a one-time certification; it’s a lifelong learning program. Every season—new jobs, children, illnesses, losses, wins—offers new material to study.

Over time, I’ve learned to recognize Malaika’s cues. When she stops referring to our children by name and simply calls them “your kids,” that’s my cue to help more and encourage her. I know her favorite era of film is the 1940s and that her professional wardrobe channels that timeless elegance. She loves musk and wood-scented candles, but never wants those scents on her skin. She loves people but doesn’t trust easily, and I know the story behind that. Her joy is rooted in her relationship with God. She’s a hopeful romantic who treasures grand gestures and quiet tenderness alike.

Learning these things isn’t a checklist, it’s a form of worshipping God. Each discovery invites me to steward her heart better, to serve her as Christ serves the Church, to be a doer of the Word. Scripture calls husbands to “live with (their wives) in an understanding way.” (1 Peter 3:7). That’s not a suggestion—it’s an instruction. Understanding requires observation, curiosity, humility, and practice.

Likewise, wives are directed to “respect” their husbands (Ephesians 5:33), and respect is fueled by insight, by seeing beyond what’s said to what’s meant, by discerning strengths and insecurities alike.

When both partners choose to study one another through the lens of grace, the classroom of marriage offers sacred learning.

God, the Original Student of Hearts

Our ability to know one another is patterned after the way God knows us. Psalm 139 tells us He searches and knows us completely—our thoughts, our words before they’re spoken, our sitting down and rising up.

Marriage gives us a glimpse of that divine intimacy. It’s not about control; it’s about connection. We study our spouse not to master them but to minister to them.

That’s what Malaika did that fever-ridden day. She didn’t impersonate me to prove her capability; she did it to protect me, to love me well in a moment of weakness. And in doing so, she mirrored the character of God, One who steps in, covers us, and handles what we can’t.

Becoming a Lifelong Learner of Your Spouse

If spouse-ology were a real university program, the syllabus might include courses like:

• Emotional Intelligence 101: Reading moods before they escalate.

• Advanced Communication: Listening beyond the literal words.

• Faith Integration: Praying for and with your spouse regularly.

• Romantic Creativity: Finding new ways to say “I love you.”

• Applied Grace: Forgiving quickly, learning daily, loving deeply.

You don’t graduate from this school, you simply grow through it. The degree is never conferred because the subject keeps changing. Your spouse today isn’t exactly who they were five years ago, and neither are you.

So study often. Review your notes. Ask new questions. Let curiosity replace assumptions. And when life throws its exams—sickness, stress, disappointment, loss—lean on what you’ve learned, and trust the God who’s teaching you both.

Reflection Verse: “The wise in heart will receive commandments, but a babbling fool will come to ruin.” — Proverbs 10:8

Because wisdom in marriage isn’t about having all the answers, t’s about being willing to keep learning.

Fuel & Spark

1. When was the last time you really studied your spouse — their needs, habits, hopes, and fears — with fresh eyes?

2. Which of your spouse’s unspoken cues (tone, silence, body language) could you pay closer attention to this week?

3. How does your understanding of God’s deep knowledge of you (Psalm 139) inspire the way you seek to know your spouse?

4. Choose one small, specific way to “study” your spouse this week (something to observe, ask about, or do for them).

About the Authors

Andrew and Malaika Wells are ministers, marriage and family coaches, and authors of The Hope-Informed Marriage. Through their organization, Coupled in Christ, they help couples rebuild trust, deepen faith, and restore intimacy through biblically grounded, practical strategies. Learn more at Hope Informed Marriage and Coupled in Christ

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