It was one of those perfectly hot summer days. I had just completed an afternoon of sweaty yard work, and if anyone deserved an ice-cold milkshake, it was me!

Finally, it was my turn, and I wouldn’t even need to come to a complete stop as I drove up to the drive-thru menu―I knew what I wanted!

“May I help you?” crackled the young voice through the intercom.

“I’ll have a large half-chocolate, half-strawberry milkshake!” I said, my wheels still turning as I rolled past the menu board.

“Sorry! We can’t do that!”

Hammering the brakes, I pushed back, “You’ve run out of chocolate milkshake?”

“No,” replied the server, somewhat unprepared for an actual conversation, “we have both chocolate and strawberry milkshakes.” Switching back to a pre-programmed but forced cheeriness, he asked, “Which one would you like?”

“Well, since you are asking, I would like a large half-chocolate, half-strawberry shake!”

“I’m sorry, sir, you will need to choose either chocolate or strawberry.”

Somehow, we had ended up right where we started.

Trying to be nice but failing miserably, I asked the simplest question, “Why?”

“Sir, our management won’t let us do half-and-half. I’m sorry.”

My frustration with the kid turned to sympathy as I selected chocolate and didn’t enjoy it one bit.

A TURNING POINT

Years ago, I heard a renowned business leader share the simple philosophy they had used to build their empire: “The answer is ‘yes,’ what’s the question?”

He continued, “’Yes' is the most powerful word in the human language!”

Returning home from the conference with the phrase still bouncing around in my head, I decided to test drive it with my family. When asked, “Dad! Can we go to the park?” I would respond, “The answer is ‘yes,’ what’s the question?”

At first, they were confused, responding, “Dad, are you having problems with your hearing?” and turning up the volume of their question, “I was asking if we could go to the park!”

Eventually, they caught on.

SWITCHING THE DEFAULT

It is common to have an internal default that starts with "No!"

*“No, you can’t stay up past your bedtime!”

“No, I have too much work to do.”

“No, I’m too tired.”

“No, you can’t have a half-chocolate, half-strawberry milkshake!”*

However, when I started declaring out loud, "The answer is 'Yes!' What’s the question?" and treating my spouse and kids better than I would a customer; not only did my heart change, but so did my relationships.

I became the Yes man—not a spineless pushover, but a man who had gone to war with the default word, "no!" and had started with "yes" instead.

BUT YOU CAN’T ALWAYS SAY YES!

Once my kids had caught onto my new default, they began testing it:

“Can I get a pony?”

“Can I fly to L.A. with my friends?”

“Since the answer is 'Yes! what’s the question?', can I get a tattoo and a belly button piercing?”

When your kid is nine years old, the answer obviously cannot always be "Yes!" but I found my kids far more receptive to a well-thought-out "No" delivered with a heart willing to explore every possibility than they were previously when my default was "No!"

THIS ISN’T A NEW IDEA! In the Bible, we find these words appear: “You were chosen to be free. So don't use your freedom as an excuse to do anything you want. Use it as an opportunity to serve each other with love.” (Galatians 5:13 CEV) Fascinating! We often think our freedom allows us to say "No!" but this bit of ancient advice suggests that we have the freedom to say "Yes!" Yes, I will serve you!

FUEL & SPARK

Q: Are you more of a "No!" or a "Yes!" person? Why do you think that is?

Q: Why do you think people hesitate to say "Yes!"?

Q: Have you been telling your partner "No!" (possibly in silent ways)? What would happen if you turned that ‘No!’ into a ‘Yes!’?

Why not take "Yes!" for a test drive? You may even want to experiment with saying the whole phrase, "the answer is ‘Yes!’, what’s the question?" out loud and in a conversation. Chances are that saying that phrase out loud to your partner or kids will change something in you, that will change something in them, that will change something in the relationship.