If you were to take a deep dive into your closet or rummage through the corner of your basement, you'd probably find a few items that remind you of something we all experience: that we don’t really know what we want.

In our storage room, hidden away on a shelf, there’s a WiFit, an espresso machine, a set of beach mats that seemed like a necessity at the time, and four tennis rackets. Each of these was once a ‘must-have,’ but after just a few uses, they were relegated to forgotten corners. When we bought them, we were convinced they were exactly what we wanted, yet, none of them turned out to be.

WHAT MEN WANT

Most people think they know what men want. You’ve probably heard it said before: "All men want is sex!" I’ll be honest—I take a slight bit of offense to that. First, it’s often said with the implication that a husband’s desire for sexual intimacy is something negative. But in reality, God created the breathtaking wonder of how a man and woman’s bodies fit together, making healthy sexual intimacy just a few steps shy of heaven’s ecstasy.

That said, many men have allowed this natural, God-given desire for intimacy to become distorted into something selfish and misguided. The gift is often misused. That misuse is likely what fuels the negative tone behind the oft-repeated (and sometimes deserved) cliché. But here’s my real issue with the phrase “All men want is sex”— deep down I don’t believe it’s true.

While sex is indeed a powerful, almost transcendent experience, I’ve come to realize that men, including myself, long for something even more profound.

IT STRUCK ME THE OTHER DAY

Out of the blue, a thought landed with unexpected clarity: “I think a man’s deepest longing is to be wanted. To be truly, genuinely, and intensely desired.”

That’s when it hit me. Beneath the surface of all the physical and emotional longings a man has is a simple but powerful truth: a husband wants to feel wanted. He wants to know he matters. He wants to feel that his wife is drawn to him, not merely because of what he does, but because of who he is.

He doesn’t just want to be appreciated for taking out the trash, driving the kids to school, or killing the occasional mouse. He longs to feel that his wife is magnetically drawn to him—that she doesn’t just want something from him… she wants him. Physically. Emotionally. Even spiritually. He wants to know she’s curious about his thoughts, interested in his fears, and captivated by his dreams. That she’s not just putting up with him—she desires him in such a way that she can’t help herself.

DESIRE ISN’T A ONE-WAY STREET

In our rush to define roles in marriage, we sometimes paint an unbalanced picture—as if the husband is the one meant to pursue and desire, and the wife is simply meant to respond or receive. But true intimacy doesn’t work that way. Real desire in marriage is mutual, magnetic, and deeply human.

SOLOMON COULDN’T HAVE SAID IT BETTER

In King Solomon’s Old Testament, dramatic celebration of love and intimacy, we read this line in the script…

I am my lover’s. I’m all he wants. I’m all the world to him!

• Song of Solomon 7:10 (MSG)

This powerful line is delivered by the woman in the romantic play, but I’m not sure it was meant to be gender-specific. I think the husband could just as easily have said…

I am my lover’s. I’m all she wants. I’m all the world to her!

ONE OF MY FAVOURITE LINES

In the 1996 Oscar winning, epic romantic war drama The English Patient, the main character’s job is locating and disarming landmines. One day, after returning home from work he expresses this vulnerable and powerful statement…

‘I spend all day searching. When I come home, I just want to be found.’

When a man feels desired, pursued, and truly wanted by his wife, it brings a sense of purpose and affirmation that nothing else can match. This desire is not about ego or vanity, it’s about feeling seen, valued, and treasured.

A PLOT TWIST

While this entry bears the title "What Husbands Really Want," I believe, at its heart, it echoes the longing of every spouse—husband or wife. To be cherished as a priority, not just in words but in the rhythm of everyday life. To be passionately pursued—not just in the early chapters of love, but still, fiercely, after 20, 32, even 43 years of marriage. To be seen as the one their partner longs for with deep desire. To be wanted—fully, completely, and without hesitation, accompanied by the quiet, soul-stirring whisper: "I don’t think I’ll ever stop wanting you."

FUEL & SPARK

Q: Have your expressions of affection become more like chores than pursuits—what would it look like to chase your spouse again?

Q: What silent messages are you sending—through your eyes, touch, or time—that say either “I want you” or “I’ve grown indifferent”?

Q: How might your marriage shift if both of you lived out the truth of Song of Solomon 7:10—“I am my lover’s. I’m all they want. I’m all the world to them”?

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