It’s all a bit of a fog in my mind. One minute I was sleeping— the next, I was standing in front of the bathroom mirror, watching my own desperate fight for air.

Panic had woken me at 3:54 a.m. last Sunday morning. Sirens deep in my subconscious were blaring—something was wrong. My chest cold had worsened during the night, and a thick, sticky mucus plug had formed in my airway, blocking it completely.

Now, in front of the mirror, my lungs, starving for oxygen, pulled hard against the obstruction. My wife, Carolyn, watching her husband suffocate before her eyes, instinctively began pounding on my back. A faint wheezing escaped—proof that air was trying to get through. Encouraged, she kept pounding. Still, the oxygen supply was scant, and I wondered: At what point does a person pass out?

After what felt like an eternity, a combination of gravity, Carolyn’s relentless pounding, and my body’s desperate push-and-pull shifted the blockage just enough. Air began to flow. As I gasped for breath, relief washed over me. Then, the adrenaline that had surged to keep me alive drained from my system, leaving me trembling.

FROM THEORY TO REALITY

Forty-five minutes later, as I sat in the hospital emergency waiting room, my mind drifted back to a teaching I had once delivered—complete with a copper diving helmet as a prop. Back then, it had been just an illustration. A metaphor. Theoretical.

Now, I understood it in a way I never had before.

A CRIMPED AIR HOSE

The teaching went something like this:

Imagine that your marriage is made up of two deep-sea divers—you and your spouse. Both of you are clad in heavy canvas suits with gleaming copper helmets, trudging across the ocean floor in 40-pound lead boots. You're on a mission, a long-term adventure where your survival depends on how well you work together.

Then, one day—perhaps by accident, or perhaps out of frustration—your spouse crimps your air hose. Maybe they kneel on it without realizing, or maybe, after an argument, they take it in their hand and fold it. Whatever the reason, the oxygen to your helmet begins to decrease. Your adrenaline spikes. Your pulse quickens. You begin wheezing—your lungs desperate for air. You are about to suffocate.

ONE CRIMP AWAY FROM SUFFOCATION

Whether in deep-sea diving, battling a nasty chest cold, or navigating marriage, each of us is just one crimp away from suffocating.

We need oxygen to survive and thrive.

Sitting in the emergency department’s waiting room, I had a painfully real understanding of this basic truth.

ARE YOU CRIMPING YOUR SPOUSE’S AIR HOSE?

Put simply, your spouse needs air—and as their partner, it’s your responsibility to protect their lifeline. Yet, many of us unintentionally (or sometimes intentionally) do the opposite. Instead of safeguarding the airflow, we crimp the hose, slowly cutting off the oxygen they need to thrive. How? In more ways than we realize. Here are a dozen:

Withholding Affection – Avoiding physical touch, intimacy, or verbal affirmations of love and appreciation.

Criticism & Nagging – Focusing on flaws, belittling, or constantly pointing out what’s wrong.

Unforgiveness & Holding Grudges – Clinging to past mistakes and refusing to move forward in grace.

Lack of Invested Time – Prioritizing work, hobbies, or screens over meaningful time together.

Emotional Neglect – Ignoring their feelings, struggles, or emotional needs.

Broken Promises – Repeatedly failing to follow through on commitments.

Lack of Support – Not standing by them in challenges, decisions, or personal goals.

Harsh Words & Insults – Using sarcasm, insults, or demeaning language.

Being Distracted – Constantly on the phone, watching TV, or disengaged when they speak.

Disrespect – Rolling eyes, interrupting, dismissing ideas, or treating them as inferior.

Selfishness – Prioritizing personal needs and comforts over the relationship.

Avoiding Conflict Resolution – Letting problems fester instead of addressing them. Over time, these behaviors slowly squeeze the life out of a marriage. But the good news? Just as we can crimp the hose, we can also uncrimp it.

AIR IS LIFE!

In the Old Testament, God gave the prophet Ezekiel a vision of a valley filled with dry bones—people whose air hoses had been completely cut off. But then, God called Ezekiel to prophesy life into them.

“So I prophesied just as He commanded me. The breath entered them, and they came alive! They stood up on their feet—a huge army.” —Ezekiel 37:10 (MSG)

As spouses, we aren’t just called to speak life over each other—we are called to remove the blockages and pump fresh oxygen into our marriage. When we do, life returns, and our spouse stands ready for whatever battles may come next.

5 BEST WAYS TO PUMP AIR INTO YOUR SPOUSE’S LIFE

Speak Life-Giving Words – Encourage them daily, affirm their worth, and remind them of God’s promises. (Proverbs 18:21 – “The tongue has the power of life and death.”)

Prioritize Presence Over Distraction – Put down the phone, turn off the TV, and be fully engaged. Your undivided attention communicates love and value.

Offer Unwavering Support – Stand by them in struggles, dreams, and daily challenges. Be their biggest cheerleader, reminding them they’re not alone.

Love Through Selfless Actions – Small acts of service—making their favorite coffee, handling a chore they dislike, or simply holding their hand—can fill their heart with oxygen.

Pray Over and With Them – A marriage suffocates without the breath of God. Praying together invites the Holy Spirit to breathe fresh life into your relationship.

That terrifying morning reminded me just how essential air is—and how frightening it is to be without it. I never want Carolyn to experience that kind of suffocation in our marriage. It’s my job to keep her air flowing, to uncrimp the hose, and to make sure she never feels like she’s gasping for breath.

Because when love has oxygen, it thrives.

FUEL & SPARK

Q: What’s one way I might be unintentionally crimping your air hose in our marriage?

Q: When was a time you felt truly ‘alive’ in our relationship like you were getting all the oxygen you needed?

Q: Which of the ‘hose-crimping’ habits on the list do you think is most dangerous to a marriage—and why?

Q: How can I pump more life-giving air into our relationship this week?

Subscribe for a fresh weekly Blog Article to your inbox here!