A few years ago I stumbled on the story of a young woman named Rachel Kennedy. Before February 2021, Rachel Kennedy was a typical 19-year-old student in Hertfordshire, England. She lived with her parents, worked part-time, and dreamed of a future with her boyfriend, Liam. To help make those dreams come true, she set up an automatic withdrawal for the purchase of weekly lottery tickets. On February 26, she entered her usual numbers: 6, 12, 22, 29, 33, with bonus numbers 6 and 11. The jackpot was a staggering $254 million. The next day, when she checked the results, she couldn’t believe her eyes—her numbers matched. She checked again and again. There was no mistake.

$254 MILLION REASONS TO CELEBRATE

What followed was pure euphoria: screaming, dancing, and dreaming aloud about houses, cars, and exotic trips. Her phone even buzzed with a congratulatory message: “You have the winning ticket!” But when Rachel contacted the lottery to claim her prize, everything began to fall apart. Although her numbers were correct, the jackpot was real and she held the only winning ticket, the Lottery officials explained that when the automatic withdrawal system tried to take the money from her account, there was only 2.5 euros in it, and the purchase was declined. Despite having the winning numbers, the purchase never went through, so her prize was $0.

$254 MILLION WORTH OF REGRET

I can’t fathom such a huge loss from such a simple, routine mistake. When I looked at Rachel’s photo after the shock had settled in, her expression felt all too familiar. It was the same look I’ve seen on countless faces of people whose relationships have fallen apart—regret, missed opportunities, and endless “if-onlys.” But what if some of that heartbreak could be avoided? Just as Rachel’s loss came down to a few simple oversights—checking her bank balance, setting a reminder—what if a few intentional actions could save a relationship?

In this post, we’ll explore The 7 Marriage Mistakes Most Couples Make—and some surprisingly effective fixes! Because while relationships can be complicated, some of the solutions might be simpler than we think.

MISTAKE #1 – Losing Your Curiosity

Marriages often experience relational atrophy (a loss of strength and connection) and relational entropy (a loss of heat and passion). Couples start coasting, apathy creeps in, and they begin taking each other for granted. The curiosity that once fueled their bond fades away. When curiosity dies, couples miss valuable opportunities to grow closer. Over time, we all change—our dreams, struggles, and interests evolve. Staying curious keeps your connection vibrant and shows your partner they’re worth knowing deeply.

THE FIX – Stay Curious and Engaged. Never assume you know what’s going on in your spouse’s day, mind, or heart. Instead, ask! Ask meaningful questions, listen intently, and cultivate a mindset of lifelong curiosity about your partner.

MISTAKE #2 – Expecting Your Partner to Be a Mind Reader

It’s easy to assume that being in a close, intimate relationship—what the Bible describes as ‘oneness’—means your spouse can read your mind or intuitively understand your preferences. But the truth is, no one can read minds—not even the person who knows you best. Expecting your spouse to instinctively know your needs, feelings, or desires creates a breeding ground for frustration and disappointment.

THE FIX – Communicate Clearly and Regularly. Recognize that your spouse can’t read your mind. Make it a habit to use clear and honest communication to express your needs, desires, and preferences. Additionally, asking your spouse thoughtful questions to uncover their expectations and feelings can foster better understanding and connection.

MISTAKE #3 – Becoming Defensive

Defensiveness is like building a wall and hiding behind it while aiming your most lethal weaponry at your partner. When walls and weapons become part of a marriage, the relationship quickly feels combative rather than collaborative. In moments of criticism or conflict, it’s natural to feel defensive, but this reaction shuts down communication and creates a barrier to intimacy.

THE FIX – Replace Defensiveness with Humility and Empathy. Recognize your tendency to build walls and arm yourself during conflicts. Instead, make a conscious effort to lower your defenses—open the gates, step out from behind the wall, and set down your weapons. Practice listening with humility and empathy, focusing on understanding your partner rather than reacting.

MISTAKE #4 – Settling Into Ruts

I once heard someone say, “A rut is just a grave with the ends kicked out!” In other words, ruts are where relationships go to wither and die. While routines can be helpful, they become dangerous when they turn into thoughtless habits that drain the energy and joy from your relationship.

THE FIX – Regularly assess your marriage for signs of stagnation. When you spot a rut, don’t ignore it—take action to fill it in. Keep your relationship vibrant by trying new activities, breaking old patterns, and embracing spontaneity in your time together. Fresh experiences can breathe new life into your connection.

MISTAKE #5 – Becoming Opponents Instead of Partners

Many couples not only mishandle their defensive moves but also misfire with their offensive strategies. When faced with a problem or challenge, the default mindset should be, “It’s us against the world,” not, “You’re the enemy.” When spouses treat each other like adversaries, they miss the wonder of tackling a problem together.

THE FIX – When disagreements arise, remember you’re on the same team. Approach challenges as partners working toward a common goal, not as opponents trying to win. Say something like, “Let’s put this problem in the middle of the table and attack it together, instead of attacking each other.” Working together shifts the focus from conflict to collaboration.

MISTAKE #6 – Keeping Score

There’s nothing like a clean slate! Imagine all your sins and mistakes written on a chalkboard. When you put your faith in Jesus Christ, He takes a supernatural eraser and wipes them all away (see 1 John 1:9 and Hebrews 8:12). Having received such incredible grace and forgiveness, we are called to extend the same to our spouse: “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32, NIV).

Marriage isn’t about tallying points or holding grudges. Keeping score breeds resentment and turns your relationship into a competition instead of a partnership built on love.

THE FIX – Burn the scorecard. Process and address hurt or offenses honestly, then forgive and move forward—never to bring the mistake up again. Focus on serving each other selflessly and forgiving quickly. This is the key to cultivating lasting harmony and a love that thrives.

MISTAKE #7 – Letting Passion Fade

A campfire will eventually lose its heat and die out if no new fuel is added. In the same way, a marriage, especially after years or decades, will lose its spark without intentional effort to keep it alive.

THE FIX – Add fresh fuel to your marriage. Pursue each other intentionally and create moments that surprise and delight your spouse. This could mean leaving unexpected sticky notes, planning thoughtful date nights, giving small gifts, arranging romantic gestures, embarking on new adventures, or reigniting intimacy. Rekindle the passion that made you fall in love in the first place, and keep the fire burning strong.

Just as Rachel's dream of winning the lottery was shattered by a simple oversight, many couples face heartbreak in their relationships due to small but significant mistakes. However, unlike Rachel's situation, the good news is that these mistakes don’t have to be the end of the story. By staying curious, communicating clearly, embracing humility, and keeping the passion alive, couples can avoid the pitfalls that lead to regret and rebuild a strong, thriving relationship. Just as one small mistake cost Rachel millions, a few intentional actions can make all the difference in a marriage. Don’t let these common mistakes define your relationship—take proactive steps today to protect and strengthen the bond you share.

FUEL & SPARK

Q: What emotion, if any, does this list of 7 Marriage Mistakes stir in you? Why do you think that is?

Q: Which of the 7 Marriage Mistakes best relates to your marriage? Why?

Q: If you were to tackle one of these 7 Marriage Mistakes and apply The Fix, which one would it be and why? What challenges might you face in attempting this one?